She sat there in the corner of tiny room. White walls surrounding her. White walls should keep her calm. But she was seeing red. Though the corner of window with white blinds she was seeing dark sky. It was raining. Sky was crying as so was she.
Million thoughts now were going through woman’s head. She could not understand why it was so hard to love her. Why her parents never wanted her. Why she was always blamed for everything. Why she was in a place of boxing pear for everyone. Why she had to be abused since the day she was born to this day. Why no one ever looked at her as a human being. Neither at home, at school, at college, at work.
Shes been a teeny tiny bug always trying to hide. Herself and her emotions. Like those days at home, when she would run from house barefoot to hide outside to void the punches. To void the screams. She has done nothing wrong besides being born at wrong place and wrong time. She always blamed herself for that. She wish never to have been born. Life would have been much easier if she would of stayed as an angel in the sky. Watching everyone from far far away. Not feeling the pain. Not having those bruises. Not having those hot tears running though her face.
When she was a girl, she hoped, that with age it will get better. Girl learned how to hide her emotions better and not show to anyone how she was suffering. That feeling of being tiny bug who no one cares about made her go mad. Girl tried to find a place where she would be loved by someone. But she got lost. And lost people are the ones which predators get to. Use them and throw away.
She fell down. Hard. She got up and the fell down again. Girl was a fighter. Phoenix. Always raising from the ashes. Washing off those tears. Putting on poker face and going on.
Trying to follow her dreams which always crushes. Never having anyone who would say that it will be alright. No hug. No love, even sympathy. She was a burden, that´s what she was.
As a woman she thought she does not deserve love. Even she desperately needed to be needed. By anyone. So she fell into wrong arms. Arms who would like to do what ever they wanted. The master mind who would manipulate her into believing she was always wrong and worth the pain she was getting. And she believed. There was no reason not to believe it. She was a trash since she was little. Belonging in the sidewalks.Dirty. Not needed. Not worth picking up.
The pain she had was never going away. Even she ran. She ran far far away from it.But life was like walking on thin ice, still. She fell hard and hurt herself even more. She tried to hide again. Start over once more. Without the past mistakes. But the darkness inside was taking over and she needed help.
She looked again at red. Red liquid on the floor. Then she looked at red button above the bed with white sheets. It was an instinct to put all last strength together and get up. Reach. Reach the button. One click. Help will be there soon. Its not her time to go. She is a phoenix after all. She needs to raise from the ashes one more time.