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Writer's pictureSimona Martinaitytė

Look back or not?




Small discussion with a friend started this whole thing and got me thinking is there more to this. Many people have many opinions how to deal with someone post break up, the big boom.

Of course its natural to have many opinions and how we deal with it, because all relationships and it´s dynamic is different, and how you feel about that person after it´s over.


Relationship is something that we grow, nurture, and try to make it to see it´s full potential. But sometimes it happens so that it dies and we have to bury it. After we bury that´s then most people choose to move on and never see each other again, something they loved is gone, it´s over, and they never look back. But some of us likes to visit the gravestone and poke at it, see if it is still alive.


People who don´t look back chooses to move on, easily or not. Sometimes it´s hard and painful, but you see that´s its better for you not to poke the bear, let it sleep the winter sleep forever. Sometimes you are so pissed or annoyed and someone that you never want to go back. That also makes it easy to move on. Sometimes there is no feelings left what so ever, so it´s easy never visit that sad gravestone.


If there was no feelings left after the big boom, sometimes people choose to stay friends, if they were already more friends than lovers and there was no love left. Might be possible, every situation is very different. But still it´s always gonna be a bit awkward, since you saw each other naked. As a some kind of friend personally I have only one person, and because he tried to stay friends hard for years after we broke up, because he wanted to have me in his life and friendly support. And it is still hard for me. Sincerely I put 0% effort just because I never really want to talk or stay in touch after it´s done. For me when it´s done, it´s done.


Sometimes we want to keep in contact, or check social media then there is some feeling left. It´s like an itch which keeps itching and we really wanna scratch it, even if we shouldn´t. Even staring at someones pictures might be hard, talking to them, but you can´t stop. Maybe you still try to figure out what the heck just happened and why it´s over and you keep looking for clues. Not a healthy way, but it´s hard to stop, even you know, you should. Or you want to torture yourself seeing that your ex already moved on and having fun life while you are still trying to heal. That's why it's good to give yourself time before you start scratching if you really, really need to. You need to be alright with what you find. Once months later when I was already having horrible days, had an accident at work and haven´t slept 3 days decided to go sniching, what else to do when you have insomnia then go and torture yourself more. So long story short, after some digging I figured out that the guy who pretended to be such a nice day and gentleman blah blah ´I am a nerd, I am a good guy´, he was dating someone else also same timeline, and I knew that bullshit reason that we want  ´different things in life´  was 100% bullshit. Dude, be honest if you met someone else you like more and don´t bullshit someone. Some guys just don´t have balls. And very funny thing, I was working on this article for weeks and today after 2+ years I received a whats app message from this guys work phone (I blocked him on social media). My eyes popped. I never before confronted him, I wanted to let it go and move on, no one is worth my tears. It was kind of nice  to tell someone  off and tell them to to f*** themselves. Not even worth that, but I purely did it for pleasure. ;)


Sometimes we wanna scratch it because we want to play with fire, we love that adrenaline rush, not knowing there this is gonna take us. We know we shouldn´t, but we can´t stop ourselves. Shit happens. Maybe we all sometimes miss that feeling of not knowing what's gonna happen and we want some excitement in our boring day to day lives. It's all good and all, but remember not to go overboard, Titanic did want too much snow off, and look what happened. 


Sometimes someone reaches out to you, and you don´t  know  what the f*ck you want, you are confused, why is this person writing to me? All this sea of emotion is drowning you, and it's okay. Cry it out, scream it out, take as much freaking time as you need to figure it out what you want to do. If you don´t know what to do with it, just leave a question mark and get back to it at the point in your life when you are comfortable to face it. Especially now, during this whole pandemic people are staying inside and get bored more, so you might think it means something, but it doesn't. He might be just bored. Literally I already received messages from 3 people, and I know it´s most likely from boredom and not being able to go out and meet new people. Diss.



Hardest point is people, who are hard to get rid of. They are like a tick sucking you and trying to give you lyme disease. Especially if that someone was emotionally/physically/sexually abusive towards you and they don´t go away even you try to block and ignore. Such people need to be out of your life, they don´t change and will do the same to you again given the chance (I have  a story of my personal life with such a tick, took me 4 years to finally get rid of that bug, emotionally draining process). They can't deal with losing their toy and want it back and fight for it. Sometimes legal action must be taken to be able to move on. My one dear friend has to go through it now, so if you know someone who is going through these difficulties remember to be there for them, believe me they need you.


In the end it's not up to me how you deal with your life, it´s up to you, you need to pick what's healthy for you. I closed the doors completely before, I got rid of a tick which was stalking me,  took quite a while , I had a need to scratch that itch and figure out what the f*ck just happened (even if it doesn't give any good answers). And sometimes I left the door a bit open for curiosity or someone just really needed a friend. Your time to choose, does that itch really needs to be scratched and will it hurt? Just remember not to get hurt by same person twice just because you are lonely or you have feelings for someone who you know definitely is bad for you.


xoxo Simona

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